The Matrix

From some of my recent text messages trying to find answers and relief:

It feels like I died but the memory of my death was erased, and my consciousness spliced to some time prior to my death, as in the film Vanilla Sky.

It feels like they tried to erase my memories of terror and torture and panic and pain, which I ran and hide to keep the memories alive, as in the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

This entire thing since before covid has been a nightmare for me. It actually started around 2013 when the military and US Intelligence Community started persecuting and oppressing me, though I did not realize what was happening at the time. (The frog in the slow-boiling pot of water analogy).

It's as if I'm the butt of a mean prank gone very wrong. It's as if I am Truman from the film Truman Show, but the producers, directors, and many of the staff are sadistic, exploitative psychopaths who have no empathy.

It's as if I'm Harold from the film Stranger than Fiction, but the author is trying to force me to act as a (or any or many) character from the Bible, a book and series of stories I do not believe in and which I thoroughly detest.

It's as if someone is applying maximum pressure to force me to conform to their ideology of religious fundamentalism, political conservatism, capitalism, all of which I also do not believe in and detest.

It's as if everyone left, and now no one is the same.

It's as if everyone played spiritual musical chairs, inhabiting different bodies than before, like Freaky Friday.

It feels like my consciousness was reproduced from analog to digital, then uploaded to the internet.

It feels like a corporation which does not respect the wishes of clients has inserted me into a Judeo-Christian (or more broadly, Abrahamic God) simulated reality against my wishes. I am an atheist and am very much against the Bible and the fictional God of Abraham.

It feels like a corporation which does not respect the wishes of clients has tried to make my consciousness play various roles in an Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game which I do not want to play or be associated as. Eg, I would not ever want to be a female, asexual, pansexual, bisexual, a capitalist, believer of God (theist), or a savior character.

Reality has certainly become unreal since before covid.

Since around covid, many things that would seem impossible have occurred. A reality TV star, who is a known fraudster, became President of the United States. Fascism erupted in America and around the world. A pandemic seemingly spread, though I know of no one who has actually contracted this supposed disease. Misinformation, disinformation, conspiracy theories and fake news has dominated the information domain space. Media personalities have behaved more like actors on a drama set than real people. My wife changed personalities suddenly and drastically. Same with my children. I experienced a torment and torture on multiple dimensions that can only be described as advanced persistent threat (APT) psionic-cyber attacks, military psychological warfare, and CIA brainwashing human experiments under Project MK-Ultra.

I don't know what is happening, but I do not like the set, setting, plot, characters, directors, or producers. I miss my old life with my real wife and real kids. Everyone and everything has changed, and I do not like it at all.

"The goal shouldn’t be to escape the simulation, the goal should be to communicate with the creators and be like “Hey can you do me a favor and drop the difficulty down to Casual or some shit, this shit is too intense.”

https://www.quora.com/Alright-if-we-really-are-in-a-simulation-how-do-we-get-out

I want out of the simulation. I really, really hate what has happened.

If that's impossible, I want the old universe I was used to, but with improvements (Easy Mode;  environmental justice, social justice, and economic justice; sex positive;  eco-anarcho-socialist values; solarpunk vision and worldview; atheist ecosophy mysticism, etc)

It's as if the simulated realities are different rooms in a maze, or different branches and root paths of a large tree. I don't know where I am, but it definitely is not where I started and it's definitely not a place I want to be.

It's as if a corporation is trying to sell the idea that this simulated reality is paradise or paradise in the making, but there is one problem: I don't like the corporation or their values, so it can never be paradise. I am fundamentally opposed to the managers and executives and what they want to accomplish, so I can never find peace and happiness in anything they build or control.

Not to mention the corporation tortured and raped me in other dimensions of consciousness as they exploited me to host the simulated reality. I would never want to have anything to do with them. There is nothing they could ever do to satisfy me except let me be free and have control. There are no possible concessions that would persuade me to share my reality with them.