On BDSM

I like BDSM and some kinks quite a lot. To me, it is very liberating, even spiritual, plus just plain fun. There are many aspects I enjoy, especially power exchange; in particular, Daddy Dom, though Pimp, Master, and similar roles are high on the list too.

However, I differentiate between fantasy and roleplay. I value concepts such as Safe, Sane, and Consensual, defining Consensual as FRIES: Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific. 

Even playing serious roleplaying games such consensual-nonconsent are still only that: only games that require lots of communication, negotiation, informed consent, safewords, and a community that provides information and oversight.

See Games People Play by Eric Berne for a primer on transactional analysis

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0345410033/

I'm currently reading Screw the Thorns, Send Me the Roses by Philip Miller and Molly Devon

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0964596008

They talk a lot about how the negotiation and limits are dictated by bottom, who voluntarily submits in exchange for what is agreed upon. It is the bottom's "consent to be governed," just as much as it is the top's consent to govern. This is an ongoing process.

Now, if someone is an abusive relationship, or if someone violates boundaries by being violent in any way toward me or others I care about, I will not ask the violator's consent to govern! Nope, I will not hesitate to stop them or, failing that, terminate them.